Happy now?

An update. Stuff happened. Work starts monday. School starts the 20th.
I'm broke.

~fin

Yay depressed.

Feeling completely detached from humanity. I don't know how to relate to people.
Haven't slept.
Haven't eaten.
Gonna try Anti-depressants again.
Go me.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother. ._.

/emo

Not really, but gone campin'

Be back in a week.

Oh wow, look at that. I do.

I've been lazy...as per usual. Not much difference from the norm there.

A lot's happened since I last updated, let's go through it!

I started working full time again. Monday mornings make me want to die. I also got yelled at for using aim at work, till I told Brian that I use it to speak to my IT professional and Net Admin friends. Now he no longer cares.

I'm no longer receptionist! Now I'm "bored guy who pretends to work on computers"

I've been very, very emotional lately. Super moody. :( Like yay happy then omg lonely then sad/weepy and ugh. It's rather annoying.
Stupid therapy making me work through my problems and feel repressed emotions.

What else... brother. He got arrested twice! And his punishment? Nothing. Yeah... real fuckin' fair. It's made me angry, to say the least. :o
Blah. I dunno.

I went to six flags! With my friends Pat, Rayna, and Lexa. It was fun. I wore a pink fuzzy supergirl hat. There was lots of rollercoasters.

I was really happy to meet rayray finally, she's a really really close friend. :) Also, Kingda Ka is the most badass experience EVER. Hell yes.


Besides that...haven't really been doing much. Been lazy and moody and weepy.

Yay for being boring!

Two people today have referred to me as "ma'am" while I've been answering the phones.

I don't sound like a woman, do I? :(

They made me receptionist.

I work at an above ground pool manufacturer. The largest in the world. I'm the computer guy.
So, in their infinite wisdom, when the receptionist calls in sick, they make the antisocial IT guy answer the phones.

I don't know how many slack-jawed yokels I can take. People are getting mad because we're overwhelmed...maybe if you didn't wait till Memorial Day to open your pools like the REST OF THE GOD DAMN UNIVERSE you'd have gotten expedient service.

Save me from this hell.

So, in my last post, I talked about Torchwood, cute band members, and my experiences at Jam on the River.

Apparently, someone at Phantasy Tour (A jam-band fan site), deemed my post a worthy review of JotR, and decided to put my "review" on their news section of the site.

My post was spammed by bros and trolls at an alarming pace. I had no idea where they were coming from till about an hour into the trolling.
That being said...I'm LAUGHING my ass off.
It seems that my trolling actually surpasses the limits of space and time. I managed to troll through someone else
God damn this was great.

The best are the OMG U R A FAG!!! Comments. Like, half my posts discuss me wanting to do naughty things with boys. They assume that calling me gay is an insult?
This just made my day hilarious.

On a side note: Even though the biscuits suck, I'm totally going to camp Bisco. Lots of good bands to offset the awful. I wonder if the bros will hunt me down and kill me!

This weekend was pretty ok!

Eric was at the party on Friday. I asked him where he'd been etc, and he said...doing nothing. Sitting in his room smoking pot. -.-
But it makes me feel a little better that it wasn't him just avoiding me, I think he has funks. He said we have to hang out more now that he's out of school.

We watched Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. The movie is awesome but...did anyone notice it seemed like the acting was SO over the top, borderline camp? I don't remember it being like that... Ah well, still had a blast.

Then, on Saturday we went to Philly to go to Jam on the River. RJD2 was AWESOME, he and his band looks like they have soooooo much fun when they play together. And this one guy in the band is omgsupercute. He kept smiling at me. :o

Then there was some awful country music, then a mediocre DJ, Bassnectar.

Next up was the Disco Biscuits. I. Hate. The Disco Biscuits. God damn awful jam-band. They'd start a song, and ten minutes in I'd be looking around the crowd, staring into the sky, looking at the river, come back outta my zone-out...and it's the same god damn song lksjglkajl ugh. SO boring. Just meandering jam-band horse shit. It was around this time I noticed that the entire crowd except for me were bros and hippies. I don't *hate* hippies, they're mostly harmless. But God damn I cannot stand bros.
What is a bro? "A bro is an 18 to 24 year old male who wears birkenstock sandals, watches Family Guy, plays ultimate frisbee, and wears an upside down visor, or a baseball cap with a pre-frayed brim. You know, a bro."

Anyway, yeah. I know it's not very nice of me, but they just ANNOY me so much god damn.

After bro jam purgatory, the Flaming Lips came on, and DAMN was it worth the wait. I'm convinced Wayne Coyne is made of sunshine, happiness, rainbows, bunny rabbits, and all that is right and good with the world. Millions of pounds of confetti and streamers shooting into the air as he walked over the crowd in his bubble. Beautiful backgrounds, girls in pink costumes and robots on stage. Santa Claus and an Alien. Sing alongs!
We sang happy birthday to some kid, it was his 18th. That kid is the luckiest bastard ever. I love Wayne Coyne ; ;

Life has been pretty uneventful besides that. I started watching Torchwood. -.- God damnit Captain Jack is way, way too good looking and ugh. He's distracting. I'm halfway through season 1, and I'm downloading season 2. :3

Friends home from school!
BBQ After work!

I got my new bag, it's nice and leather!

Concert tomorrow in Philly! (Woo Flaming Lips!)

And that's all from me. Lolboring.

Tomorrow is my last day of classes for the semester. I have yet to study for my two remaining finals, and I haven't done a few past due eng 101 journals...

Blah, I hate it because the work is just *so* inane, I can't be bothered to do it! Curse the american school system. Wouldn't let me test out of classes way below my potential. -.-

This semester was meh, kinda shitty in that
1: I didn't get a chance to go to some of Professor Dale's classes (Professor Dale was my Philosophy of Religion teacher from last semester. He's probably the most influential teacher I've ever had, and he's a good friend I've kept in touch with. He gave me an open invitation to attend any of his classes whenever I felt like it, but the car accident monkeyed up that plan...I <3 him so much)

2: Dropping Sociology. I'm so embarrassed about this. I let my emotions overwhelm me, and get the best of me, pushing me over the edge. Something had to give, and unfortunately it was this class. Tis a shame, I loved Prof. Kirkwood.

3: Not joining any clubs. Next semester, I plan to join the Scifi/anime/games/fantasy club. I know it's nerdy, but this college is an intellectual wasteland. I have NOTHING in common with anyone I've met. Hopefully I can find at least one or two people worth being friends with here...
I also plan to join the Pride organization at my college. Would be nice to have some sort of support system in that respect.

Speaking of pride...3 more days till I tell my mom. :( That's gonna be hilariously awkward. At first I was excited, but I'm starting to get really, really nervous now.

Lol, my stomach is a knot just thinking about it. It's a big change in my life. *I'm* not going to act any different than I do, but a lot of people's notions about me will most likely change. Blah. I obsess too much on shit like this.

Oh, also. My mom left her post here as receptionist on Friday. She's doing well in her new job but...I'm nervous. The owner of the company had some sort of love-hate obsession with my mom. He scrutinized her immensely more than anyone else in the company. Now that she's gone, I fear he will set his sights on me, cause I'm "Kerry's son". I'm not Chris to him.
He is making me do random grunt work for him that really has nothing to do with my job...stuff he would make my mom do. :( No giving it to the receptionist though, gotta pick on the bloodline!

It scares me because my boss is a paranoid delusional alcoholic. Once he gets you in his sights, you're on the shit list for all time. Once he makes his mind up about someone, your life is a living hell.

I might have to look for a new job if he tries to go after me. >.>

So, school ends in 5 days, on the 16th.
I also decided I was gonna come out to my mom on that day... I'm uh. Terrified, to say the least. I'm sure it'll be fine though.
I'm still nervous as hell~

Also, going to Philly next week, to see Jam on the River! (Flaming Lips) :D
When I saw Flaming Lips at Bonnaroo, it was amazing. Hopefully I'll be sober this time, and able to actually appreciate it...blah. Stupid choices that weekend. -.-

I'm very excited, and scared, and anxious and stuffs...

Oh, thinking of going to Pride NYC this year...certain someone gonna force me to. >.>

(FFXI: Full Goliard!)

Stressful day. Therapy wasn't great, but not terrible.
I'm really poor.

I want to kill myself because I've been arguing politics for like 3 hours.

Boo.

So, today pretty much sucked.
On friday, I had called the guys we use for phone wiring in the office, to get a line run for Steve (the owner's) fax. The receptionist there says they'll call Terri (my supervisor) back on monday to make an appointment.

Fast forward to tuesday, my first work day (monday/wednesday classes). I go into Terri's office first thing, and ask if she made the appointment. She says "No, I called but didn't leave a voice mail, make an appointment with them for me!"
So now it's noon, and I'm about to head out to lunch with my mom (she's the receptionist...who is abandoning me for a non-dysfunctional work environment! :( ), and low-and-behold, the fucking wire guy is in the lobby.

I go to tell Terri, saying that she did not tell me she made an appointment, and she looks at me, laughs, and says "Well, now it's your job!" then walks away. I was not happy, to say the least.
So I wasn't able to eat till 3pm. This would have been ok if you know, THE LAST TIME I ATE WASN'T NOON THE PREVIOUS DAY. JLSJAgklsjalgkjaslk. (On the plus side though, the wiring dude was a cute black guy with an english accent that I got to stare at while I helped him. Yay!)

I swung by the shop to pick up my car after work (just had our mechanic friend check it out, make sure everything was A-OK, and it was), and then immediately went home to sleep.
Of course, I then had to wake up and write my essay for 5 hours (4 of which were spent having an anxiety attack staring at a blank document).

But once I get moving, I can hammer out essays like nobody's business! I'm gonna finish it up tomorrow morning, easy-peasy.

But now, time to pass out and have *more* nightmares. I don't know why, but I've had a nightmare that's woken me up almost every day this week...I REALLY need to start writing these down -.-

Just needed to vent that...blah. I'll feel better tomorrow.
I've been obsessing about a lot of stuff lately...

I've been wanting to come out to my mom :/ But blah stupid scaredness.
Someday -.-

So, yesterday I went to Manhattan to meet up with all the TES people and see Iron Man!
I got there a little early, and decided to go to Jamba Juice and get a smoothie, I'd never been there before...
Holy. Shit. Fucking delicious. Most definitely going there *every* time I wander into Manhattan for now on...

I get there, and I meet up with the guy who sent out the email (Rich). I've definitely seen him before at TES meetings, but he looked really, really familiar...at first, I thought he was the dude who flogged me the first time I ever did *anything* bdsm related. In fact, I'm still not sure if that was him or not... (How hilarious that would be).
Sadly, I was the only person who showed up to see it with him. I felt kinda bad for him...but we chit-chatted away. Comic book movies, our jobs, possibilities for other TES meetings, etc. I was actually able to *gasp* HOLD CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE!

The movie was *awesome* I happen to love Robert Downey Jr, even if he is a man with a lot of problems. He's a brilliant actor, and he's *THE* Tony Stark, there is no one else in Hollywood that can play that role. Also, the Dude was in it! Which I didn't know, and was AWESOME.

I kept imagining him going "Yeah, well, that's just like, your opinion MAN." But yeah! Great movie.

Annnd I think that's it for me. Not much to say. o.o Jailer of Love today (FFXI), I might get something I've been waiting a very long time for.
After that, I gotta study for stat! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay /wrist.

My "friend" canceled on me. Again.

Yay for friends.

Mmm, it's friday! Friday is payday. Monies are good.

Have a poop-load of bills to pay off...I went 76 dollars over my text limit this month. -.- But now that I've x'ed a certain person out of my life, I won't have to worry about that anymore. :) It's funny, you know. Once the illusion you have about a person is broken once, you notice all the things they always did a lot more. The person hasn't changed at all, but I've been cured of my blindness.

Moving on.

Tonight, I'm going to a concert! With Eric! I haven't seen him in so so so long... We're going to see RJD2. I <3 RJ, last time I saw him was in a club near me, maybe...60 people max in the whole place. It was AMAZING. Stupid uncultured LI swine, not knowing when a good thing is right around the corner.

Tomorrow, I'm going to see Iron Man. With...TES people. >.> My first foray back into TES since the whole "actually experiencing bdsm kind of not really" thing. But yeah, movie! The dude already bought me a ticket, which was very nice. I'm very much looking forward to it, if only for the god damn Iron Man. My goal is to initiate conversation at least once, and sustain it. I wanna make friendssssss. It'd be healthy for me!
Oh, speaking of TES: They're bouncing around ideas for an outing...if they do six flags, I'd be *so* so happy. I love roller coasters. >.>

/FFXI
Saturday I do my Nyzul static. Hopefully a Nyzul Great Katana will drop for meeee!

Then, on Sunday... woo! Jailer of Love! Jailer of Love! Novio for me! Novio for me! I really can't wait. I'm jazzed as hell for this and hope we get some badass drops.

Finally...you know. Sleeping with that douchebag Warren ended up doing more good than harm. I'm more accepting of my queerness! And even better, I met a ton of cool people on his Vent server, who now like me more than they like him. Ha! One of them transferred to my server, and applied to my LS! I'm sosososososo happy/excited, he's such a cool guy.
/FFXI off

What else, what else. Still need a bf (at least I'm starting to go outside of my small little world by going back to TES).

OH! I can't wait for summer, I'm going to spend more time outside I think. (Outside physically, and outside like, in the city doing things). I'm tired of being a hermit! Maybe I'll start going to clubs once I actually figure out wtf to wear to such things...
I'm not a clubber, but at least I'd meet people.

The thing I'm most excited about, to be honest, is the McCarren Park Pool shows in Brooklyn. Brooklyn is a wild wild town, the crowds are so awesome there. I'll meet some crazy awesome people at those concerts I hope!

So today was a bit of a Charlie Brown day, I would say. It  was a pouring rainy day...which was fine. I had my umbrella.

English class today was...disturbing. Deeply so.
(Quick background: my college will not let me test out of English 101, so I am stuck in this pit of infernal under stimulus)
ANYWAY...

We are reading an essay in class, about Race and Education. The professor asks me to read a paragraph from it, and I oblige. After I finish reading, I SHIT YOU NOT, he says the following:
"That was very fluent reading! There was a lot of big words in that paragraph, you did a good job, Chris."

...

WHAT THE FUCK. I mean not to sound like a pompous douche bag, but come ON! This is fucking college people. That paragraph was an 8th grade level piece of writing. I think the worst part was that my classmates... they all couldn't read aloud. THEY COULDN'T READ A GOD DAMN PARAGRAPH. WRYYYYYYYYYYY!

Anyway, after that, I took mah easy test. 15 minutes on an Adol Psych test 4tw!
Finally, I registered for my courses for the fall (on the first day I was able to). :D Yay for being responsible for once!

Finally, I headed home. And this is where my day went from "Average" to "Charlie Brown"
I'm walking, I'm walking...and a gust of wind fucks my umbrella up. As I'm trying to fix that, the strap to my bag breaks, and my bag falls to the ground. And then, the coup de grace? Car drives by and splashes me.

So now I'm soaked, and I gotta walk 2 miles or so holding a courier bag under my arm (fuck I never realized how heavy the thing was...), and I have no umbrella. Yaaaay.

Buuuuut I GOT MY CAR I GOT MY CAR I GOT MY CAR!
(I've been waiting for my check from the insurance company to clear after my accident).
It's a 2000 Altima, power everything, and it handles like a dreeeeeam.

The final down note of the day though: I went to fill it with gas, and accidentally got premium...
I paid 10 dollars for 2.5 gallons of gas. -.-;;

Anyways, that is that. I need sleep, very badly. Even with the sore ankles and soaked wetness and everything, still wasn't an AWFUL day.
Now that I have a car though, mayhaps I'll work on getting a boyfriend or something... (Yeah right! THAT WOULD REQUIRE EFFORT LOLZ).

When it comes to bloggy blog things?
My Xanga? God, I neglected that thing into oblivion.

LJ? When the hell was my last post...
February? Christ on a crutch. Ah well, here I am, posting again (twas shamed into it!).

Lots of stuff has happened since the last time I posted...
Went to Miami for the Winter Music Conference. Lost my manginity there, also fun. Too bad I lost it to a gigantic douche bag whom I no longer talk to.

Got into a car accident shortly after coming back from Miami, not so fun...had a little bit of a mental breakdown. But I've picked myself back up! Kind of.

There was a huge drama love-triangle bullshit thing going on between me, the guy I slept with, and the girl I liked (past tense). I'm really getting sick of bullshit, people bother me immensely. I may just end up cutting them both out. Currently, I've removed the man from the picture. If Kristy gets any worse I'll have to say goodbye to her too.
Such annoyances are really not what I need right now, I have more important bullshit to deal with...

Like the fact that my father legally owes me 4,000 dollars, yet still is claiming me as a dependent to get even MORE money. Blargh, I'll deal with that soon enough.

SPRING is hereeeeeeeeee and it is so beautifulllll. I can't wait till I get my new car! I'll go places, meet people!

...hopefully find a boyfriend. >.> I need to prettify myself god damnit D:

But yeah, post! Maybe I'll try posting more often ._.

Oh how I've neglected you.
Like all things in my life, I have cast thee aside, ignoring you for the exciting practice of...well, doing nothing.

I've been bad to you baby. :( Will you take me back? I'll try harder this time, I promise!

You know I love ya. It's just, with work and school, it's just so *hard* for me to make time for you. That's no excuse though.

You deserve better than this. I'll try my best for you, LJ~


Yeah. Sorry. I'll have stuff to talk about eventually. Need to stop procrastinating. But for now, lunch!

No, I'm not really manic depressive, I don't think.
It's a rather rare syndrome, so 99% of the people who say they have it, don't.
I just have been, for a while now, feeling very intense mood swings from borderline maniacal happiness, to deep, deep, depression, very suddenly. Usually they last a day or so, or can happen multiple times in one day.
It really, really sucks.

I'm happy right now, but last night, I was horridly depressed. For no reason either!

Meh, w/e.

Hopefully I'll figure it out, eventually.

Steven said last session that I have emotions without even realizing or feeling them. >.> He said he could tell from the way my face would change, etc. That's really scary. When he said that, I really was feeling nothing. Flat line. Grey. Completely and totally apathetic nothingness.
The fact that I was emoting a different emotion from that, one that I couldn't even tell...that's scary. :(

It makes sense though. 90% of the time, the things I AM feeling, they confuse me, I don't even know what they are. How much does that suck? Not realizing what emotion you're feeling is.

What else...
I dunno, been keeping to myself lately.

My speech went over great, got everyone to laugh.
Doing well in all my classes.
I have 400 dollars more than I thought I did, so all that paranoia and depression over money was for nothing. YEAH CLERICAL ERRORS ON MY PART.
Oh oh oh, a certain someone got me a present, which was probably the most touching thing someone's done for me in ages. :o <3!
I need to get peepoles presents, dunno what I'm gonna get though. I'm lame like that.

Oh, I had a fucking ridiculous mad-crazy dream last night. It was literally the most awesome and absurd dream ever. Too bad I didn't have time to write it down and now forgot all of it.
...but yeah, it was cool.

Oh, and I need to stop reading about America. It's really depressing. I might have to move to Canada or Europe eventually.
Time to learn some new languages. ; ;

Hm. I guess that's it. I'm boring, I have nothing worthwhile to post really. /shrug